


Tim Drake is a Homosexual

by glitterandlube



Series: Tim is Gay in Canon [1]
Category: DC Comics
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-07
Updated: 2010-08-07
Packaged: 2017-10-10 23:35:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/105680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitterandlube/pseuds/glitterandlube
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I keep forgetting to note that I wrote this before Colin existed so I was thinking that Damien should get his own little Roy and DC went ahead and did that, which was nice, and I hope he still exists in the new canon.</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I keep forgetting to note that I wrote this before Colin existed so I was thinking that Damien should get his own little Roy and DC went ahead and did that, which was nice, and I hope he still exists in the new canon.

"I thought you should know."

Kon nods. "So, uh, is this about me? I mean, you know I'm not." Kon stops, and frowns. "That thing we don't talk about."

"We should continue to not talk about it."

"So that thing with Cassie was what?"

Tim rubs his forehead. "It was hard for all of us, Kon. I was really lost, and so was she, and it just kind of developed. I don't know. She dated Kara too, and that was awkward, and..."

"What?! Cassie dated Kara?"

"Oh, did she not tell you about that? It's not a big deal, it was just..."

"It is too a big deal! That's the greatest thing I've _ever heard_." Kon yells. "Wow. Dammit, why did I have to be dead for that?"

Tim winces. He says, "Kon, can we not talk about you being dead for awhile."

"Sure, whatever." Kon answers flippantly, "So, I mean, did they make out in front of you? Is this conjecture?"

"Kara is your cousin."

"I'm not thinking about that right now, Tim. I'm thinking about two hot blondes."

"Your second cousin." Tim is staring at Kon with a grossed out look on his face.

"Stop ruining this for me."

"No. I will not."

Kon grins. "I'm looking less attractive now aren't I?" He ignores Tim's withering stare to call out, "Hey, Bart!" as Bart appears.

"Hi, Bart." Tim echoes, while continuing to glare at Kon.

"Hey Guys! Why you are glaring at Kon? Did he tell you the story about the goats?" Bart waves his hand at Kon at speed. "I told you not to tell Tim that story."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You know, the one with the..." Bart makes a hand gesture that could mean anything, and Kon's face lights with recognition.

"Oh, that story. Hahaha. No, I didn't tell him that story. Tim's glaring at me because I'm a sick bastard."

"Sure." Bart agrees.

"Also, Tim is gay, did you hear?"

Bart stares at Kon, and stage-whispers, "Kon, Tim is sitting _right there._"

"Yeah, I know. He came out and he's sharing the special news with everyone. Respect his announcement by acting shocked, jackass."

"Oh! OH! My god. I did not know. At all."

Tim mumbles, "Fuck my life," very, very quietly and then louder, says, "So you knew already?"

"We kind of discussed it before. Well. I told Kon you were gay, and he flailed a lot, and then we went to a gay bar for research, and then uh, okay, we went to a sex shop, but it wasn't really a gay sex shop, and then," Kon slaps his hand over Bart's mouth, and says, "He's completely making that all up. We didn't do any of those things."

Bart is nodding emphatically behind Kon's hand that they most certainly did all those things. He ducks underneath Kon's arm to add, "If you need to talk to anyone, I can break Hartley out of jail for you."

"I'm okay right now, Bart, but thank you."

"Sure, no problem. I bet Hartley would be happy to help, and also not be in jail any longer."

Kon asks, "Who's Hartley?"

"Pied Piper."

"Huh?"

"The Pied Piper. The only Rogue that doesn't suck. You know, that story about the guy with the magic flute, and the rats who stole all the children."

"He steals children?"

"No."

"You just said he did."

"It's a story! He took his name from the story! Hartley doesn't steal children. What the hell did Luthor put in your head anyway, other than a microchip, and an inability to use slang properly."

"I don't know. Stuff."

"Stuff that doesn't include math, literature, science, or anything at all."

"Shut up."

"I'm 100% correct."

"Fine, stick me back in the tube, and build some future learning machine shit, and shove it all in my brain, and I'll be as smart as you."

Bart looks at Tim. "Can we do that?"

"Probably not. I'm banned from biological experiments for a year because of the cloning attempts."

Kon says, "I can't believe you tried to clone me. I wouldn't have had any of my memories or anything."

"I had an imprint of your mind on file."

Kon stares at Tim for a long moment, and then says, "Dude, next time just say you were going to use it as a sex bot for the love of fuck."

Tim looks down and mutters, "That was Plan B."

Bart vibrates with glee and then asks, "Did you tell your family yet?"

"They all knew."

Bart and Kon laugh, as Kon says, "Detectives, right?"

Tim rolls his eyes. "Steph punched me. She said she was going to save up money until she could afford to have Cass kill me. Cass said she wouldn't though, so I'm think I'm in the clear."

Kon says, "I don't know why I'm the stupid one. Seriously."

 

 

[Tim and Dick have made up. Dick is Nightwing again. PLEASE SOON.]

While they are fighting a group of thugs with Robin, and Red Hood, Tim says, "N, I've been meaning to tell you something."

"Lay it on me."

Tim nerve strikes one of the men, and says, "I'm unsure how to...maybe we should discuss this later."

"No, go ahead." Dick answers, as he punches a guy in the face and then backflips over another one. "I'm listening."

"I'm gay."

"Ahhh! I knew you would tell me!" Dick yells. "I didn't want to ask, because that's awkward, and then I thought maybe you just didn't want to talk about it, and then I wasn't sure what the hell was going on, but hey, that's fantastic, you're telling me."

"So you knew then?"

Damien calls out from across the room, "What the fuck? Did you actually think you were fooling anyone about your giant gayness?"

"Shut up, Robin." Dick snaps. He turns back to Tim. "Look. I gave you my old Robin uniform and told you not to get any stains on it. What did you think I meant?"

One of the thugs stops and goes, "Wait, you what?" and Dick shoves him aside. He says, "This is family talk, you stay over there."

Tim starts, "I didn't. Um. Okay, I did, but I didn't think that you meant that I should...fuck."

"It's fine. Really. I'm happy you finally came out." Dick smiles hugely at him, and wraps his arms around Tim.

"Thanks," he says weakly, into Dick's shoulder.

Jason comes over, and bitches, "I'm so glad we can interrupt this unimportant crime fighting to bond as a family over Pretender's faggotry."

Dick says, "Apologize right now."

"Fuck you."

"Now." Dick repeats.

"I'm not sorry."

"I'm going to make you sorry."

"That sounds kind of hot."

Tim says, "Can I watch?"

Jason starts laughing, and says, "Sure, why not? For old time's sake. I know you were staring at my ass too."

Tim shrugs. Jason continues, "Who can blame you? I'm hot as fuck."

"You know, suddenly the thing with Kon makes a lot of sense." Tim says quietly.

"What thing with Kon?" Dick asks sharply.

"Nothing."

Jason kicks the last guy in the balls, and says, "Are you fucking Superboy? Let me tell Batman, come on. I'll be nice to you for an entire week."

"I'm not fucking Superboy."

"Can we tell Batman anyway?"

Damien comes over, and says, "Thanks for leaving half the fucking room to me, assholes."

Jason smacks him in the head, and says, "You're lucky I don't stick a knife in your back, you little bastard."

Tim says, "I have five bucks, will you do it for that?"

"If you throw in a blowjob, I'll..." Jason cuts off as Dick jumps on him. Damien asks, "A blowjob is when someone sucks your dick right?"

Tim stares down at him, and says, "Your father is going to be really upset if you end up with an STD when you're 12."

Damien shrugs, unconcerned. "It's the price you pay sometimes."

Tim pulls Dick away from Jason, and asks, "Did you let Roy near him?"

Dick laughs. "The Bat Cave is depressing. I needed my friends."

 

 

To: EatSleepCave@yawen.com  
From: TurtleDove@yawen.com

Subject: My coming out of the closet

Dear Bruce,

As part of my general announcement, I feel it is imperative I inform you that I am gay. As I am certain you are already aware of this information, I hope to avoid any unnecessary discussion of the issue. Please keep me apprised of any potential complications this might cause with my duties in various tenures.

Regards,

Tim.

P.S. I would like ALL my pictures of Dick back.

 

 

Cassie says, "I just wanted to get everyone together to let you all know that Robin, well, he's Red Robin now, is coming back to the team."

"I believe his name is Flamebird now."

"Shut up, Conner." Cassie snaps. "That's really immature."

Kon opens his mouth to say something about Kara, but Eddie leans over and asks, "Flamebird?"

So instead Kon says, "He's gay now."

"He was gay before."

"Shit, Bart, did you fucking announce it to everyone?"

"I didn't tell Eddie."

"I used to be a PA. You know many gay people I was around? Like a hundred thousand. Come on."

Rose calls out, "Is this why you wouldn't sleep with me?"

Tim nods, and answers, "Partly." He continues, "Also, I don't find drunken sluts attractive."

Cassie starts laughing as Rose says, "I'm not a slut."

Jaime says, "Isn't there a slut equation?" He calls Paco in his head to ask. He calls out, "Paco says it's uh, shit this is [really complicated.](http://www.homotopia.org/2009/02/slut-equation.html) Never mind."

Tim says, dryly, "If we're finished, I just want to make sure this isn't a problem for anyone."

"We're all happy to have you back!" Bart calls out.

"I meant the gay part."

Virgil says, "My best friend is gay. I don't care."

Jaime is still talking to thin air, asking, "Wait, why does it matter how hot they are? Does sex with ugly people not count or something? Did you make this up to excuse the time you slept with Lena Harvez?"

Cassie says, "I don't think anyone cares."

Cissie says, "I care! You were supposed to marry me, Tim! So we could have perfect children, and I could wear sweater sets."

"I'll still marry you, Cissie."

"Fantastic. We can both have sex with the pool boy." Cissie leans over Bart to ask, "Kon, are you available to be a pool boy and commit adultery?"

"Absolutely. Can we have a threesome?"

Bart says, "Hey, wait, I can be a pool boy and have a threesome with you and Tim. Why does it have to be Kon?"

"Stop poaching on my action."

"Shut up! I de-aged back to being a virgin! I need to get some action going here."

"You had sex?" Kon says in horror. "With another person?"

"I was 22, you moron." Bart answers. "Oh, plus, I was really, really hot. Lots of people said so. When I get older, I'm going to steal all your women."

"Women don't really like men that are fast."

"Yeah, but they like things that can vibrate." Bart shoots back.

"OKAY! BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP NOW." Cassie calls out.

Tim says, "I missed you guys."

"Aww," Bart says, and zips over to give Tim a hug. He presses against him, and whispers, "I'm sorry about not being there for you as much as I should have been when all that crap happened."

Tim says, "Likewise."

Cissie says, "Oh, hey, do we all get Tim hugs?" and she hurries over to fall on him before he can run away.

Later, he comes into Cassie's room, and she smiles up at him. He starts, "Look, I don't want you to think this has anything to do with you."

"I don't."

"Okay."

"We're fine."

Tim looks at her carefully, but she just shakes her head. "Really, everything is fine. I promise. Welcome back."

She stands up, and he walks over, and carefully steps into her arms. He rests his head on her shoulder, and she says, "I'm happy you're honest with me, and with yourself. Anger and Desolation shouldn't be the only things that holds us all together."

Tim smiles. "I agree."

"I am going to kick your ass later for telling Kon I dated Kara."

"You did date Kara."

"He didn't need to know that. He asked for pictures! Kara is his cousin!"

Tim says, "You know what? You got over him, so I'm the bigger loser here."

"I slept with him."

Tim just looks at her, and she adds, "Okay, that was rude. I'm sorry. I just meant on the loser scale that, okay, I'm going to stop talking now."

Kon appears at the door, and says, "So, hey, I was thinking, to get all this angst out of your system, maybe the three of us should..." but he can't finish because Cassie throws him into the hallway, and shuts the door behind her. She asks to say, "Were you thinking about taking the team back over, because I was thinking we could set up a kind of command - 2IC thing like in the military."

Tim is laughing too hard to answer her.

 

[Oh right, I forgot to add Bruce is alive obvsly if Dick is Nightwing again.]

Tim is up on the roof, writing out a report on an old case file from the Gotham City Police. He has two boxes next to him full of old files, and another six in his room downstairs to finish. He sighs, and writes 'according to the Prophet Timothy' on the bottom to be a jerk. He's really sick of this.

Kon wonders over, and slumps down in the chair next to his. "Hey, Tim."

"Hi."

"What are you working on?"

"Cold case files."

"Why?"

"It's my punishment for various bat related sins. Plus, I think I hurt his feelings when I came out to him via an e-mail."

"Batman has feelings?" Kon asks in horror.

"It keeps surprising me too." Tim says off-handily. He passes a picture over to Kon and asks, "Do you see any orange threads in this picture?"

"Yeah, I see a bunch right there by his shoe. The left one."

"Good."

"Ehhhh, did this guy get his throat slit? That's gross. You should have Bart help you with these."

"He is, but he doesn't have your vision capabilities."

"You can't see the threads?"

"No, I can't."

"You knew they were there though."

"I suspected." Tim answers, and he flips through several more photos before opening the police report and starting to read.

Kon fidgets and then blurts out, "You know I love you right?"

"Yes. I know that."

"Even if I'm not trying to marry you."

"Uh huh."

"It kind of bothers me that I'm hurting you just by existing. You're my best friend, and that's not something I want to do."

Tim's head jerks up, and he says, "Your existance is not hurting me. Please never say anything like that to me again."

Kon frowns. "I didn't mean, my being alive, Tim. I meant, just being around."

"Your just being around is enough for me."

"What happens when that's not enough? Do I lose my best friend because of this?" Kon waves his hand in-between them. "If we're not carefully bullshitting our way around everything now, what happens when you decide it's too difficult for you to be near me?"

"When have I ever let difficulty get in my way of accomplishing a task?"

Kon smiles. "Right, how can I even ask." He sighs.

"I don't know, Kon. I don't have a satisfactory answer for you right now. I might never have one."

Kon leans over, and he starts to tug one of Tim's gauntlets off. Tim watches him, and doesn't say anything as Kon wraps his fingers around Tim's own. Kon takes a breath, and says, "I'll try my best."

"I know that."

"I didn't actually care about holding your hand."

Tim uses his other hand to pull his cowl back, and he smiles at Kon. It's free of a lot of the strain of the past years, and he squeezes Kon's hand, and says, "I knew that, too."

 

THAT WAS SORT OF PRODUCTIVE I GUESS?


	2. Sunlight and Darkness are where we both live

The next year finds Kon and Tim in a careful negotiation around unspoken topics, and friendship cues. Tim doesn't say anything about the way Kon watches him, heavy, with intent, and Kon doesn't move away when Tim leans close. This is the most important thing that will ever happen in Tim's life, and considering what has already happened, he thinks he can be patient for something good to come to him. He isn't expecting it to happen exactly when it does, but he embraces it openly.

```````````````

Kon is sitting on Tim's couch, sprawled out, with his eyes half closed. They've been watching these really horrible Chinese kung-fu type movies that Kon knows Tim loves, but will never admit to loving, so he brings them over, and pretends they are his favorite. [His favorite is porno, and Kon isn't sure which is actually the less tasteful habit. Some of the movies are pretty fucking bad.]

Wing Chun is on, because Kon actually does like the movies with the girls in them. Tim has been figuring out the part with the table for him, and is showing him, slowly, how she did it. Kon gets smacked in the face, and the table breaks, and they end up on the floor. Tim is laughing, and Kon looks at him until Tim stops laughing, and starts to look a little uncertain. Kon's eyes drop to Tim's mouth, and Kon thinks, 'Right Moment,' and leans down and kisses him.

Tim does not lose his virginity on the fucking floor, because Kon has decided to have more class in his old age. Plus, Tim has a very, very nice steel reinforced bed, because Tim enjoys planning ahead for future events. Tim falls asleep with a smile on his face, and Kon tries to work out how he's going to break it to Tim that he just had sex with someone underage. Probably a nice JAILBAIT shirt would work. Kon falls asleep listening to Tim's even breathing.

Tim's smile the next morning is blinding.

Kon wakes up to the smile, and Tim's weight on him, and Kon says, "I'm sorry I made you wait so long." Under his breath, he says, "I'm sorry I waited so long."

Tim hears him, and his smile gets softer.

Kon gets laid again. When he finally stumbles out into the kitchen, Chris is giggling at him.

"How was your night?" Kon asks, ignoring Chris' teasing grin.

"Fine. Flamebird and I fought some crime. You remember crime fighting right?"

"I'm retiring to fuck Tim. You'll have to hold up the mantle for the family from now on."

Chris laughs and nods. He says, "You had a good run, and you're giving it up for a noble cause."

Tim comes out, still smiling, and generally cheerful. Chris watches Kon's eyes track Tim as he comes over. Chris doesn't bother to hide his smile. He's been waiting and waiting for their stupid date night to pay off. He texts Bart to say, GUESS WHO GOT LAID? and Bart immediately sends back, YOU SLEPT WITH FLAMEBIRD? I THOUGHT SHE SAID SHE WOULD SET YOU ON FIRE FIRST.

Chris frowns. He's wearing her down. He sends back, NO DUMBASS. TIM AND KON. As soon as he sends the text, Bart is there in the kitchen, jumping on Tim and Kon, knocking them into the table. Chris puts his shield up around his food. He didn't burn his eggs this morning, and he doesn't want them on the floor.

Bart is saying, "So should I get you a present? Happy Fucking day!"

Kon answers, "Go get me a shirt that says Jailbait on it."

Bart laughs, and Tim frowns before saying, "What's one more broken law." He leans up and kisses Kon, who smiles against his mouth. Kon lets his fingers drop down to the S-shield Tim has on his hip. That was a nice surprise. Kon traces it slowly, it's just the outline in red, until Chris says, "I'm actually still in the room here." Bart has already vanished.

They break apart, and Tim looks apologetic, and Kon says, "Keep watching, you might learn something."

"Uh huh. I really need a lot of tips for seducing guys." Chris replies. "Are you two going to go on a real date now?"

"Yes, we are." Kon says. Tim raises his eyebrows. "Where was that place you said you liked with the private tables."

"You want to go to Priyata?"

At Kon's nod, Tim shrugs. "There's a dress code. Shirt, tie, jacket."

"If I get to see you in it, I can wear it."

"No boots."

Kon makes a face. "I'll live." He kisses Tim again, and says, "I have to go home, but, is Thursday good?" Tim nods. "Alright. I'll see you Thursday." He turns to Chris, and walks over to give him a hug. Kon whispers, "Watch my boy for me." Chris whispers back, "I'll never let anyone touch him."

Kon leaves, after yelling, "Be good little brother," through the door.

"I'm always good." Chris says. Tim gives him an Alfred look.

~~~~~~~~~~

Thursday. 5:30 Central Time. 6:30 EST. Kon is supposed to meet Tim in a half-hour.

Instead he's pulling people out of a burning tenement in Metropolis. Steel is helping him, but it's a big place, and half the block has gone up. The firefighters down below are overwhelmed.

Kon calls out, "Come on, Kara. Get the fuck down here already." There's no answer, and he sighs. He's going to drag her ass back from that damn New Krypton personally. He doesn't even want to know what Kal is doing over there. He snags two kids off a roof, and one of them pulls out his iphone, and starts banging on it. Kon yells, "HEY STOP THAT!" because he has the kid's sister in his other arm, and can't exactly drop them. The kid startles, and Kon watches his cell phone go tumbling down into the fire.

"Oh motherfucker." Kon snaps. "Damn thing better burn up completely."

He sets the kids down, and he watches them run to their mother. She calls out, "Did you hurt them? They look hurt."

Kon stares at her, and then turns around and gestures to the giant fire behind them, and calls out, "You're welcome! You owe me a phone!"

Steel lands, and says, "Superboy, stop screwing around," and Kon thinks very seriously about tossing his ass into the building. Twenty minutes later, Kon has ripped a water tower off of Smallville, and flown it back to Metropolis and dumped the fucker carefully over the fire. He's sure the news tomorrow will be full of WATER DAMAGE headlines. That takes care of the main part, and he spends another twenty minutes snuffing out the smaller fires.

The firefighters wave at him in gratitude as he takes off. He's covered in soot, his shirt is ripped, and he's already late for his first date with Tim. He mutters, "motherfucker," again. He's heading over to get cleaned up when he hears a woman screaming. He dives down to see a youngish woman in an alley with a guy pulling off her skirt, and shoving her into a wall. The guy has a gun, and is pushing it into her stomach. Kon speeds over, grabs the gun, crushes it in his hand, and then tosses the guy into a wall.

He hears the bone crunch, and he says, "Shit." Then after a moment of deliberation he calls out, "But maybe that will teach you not to rape people, fuckweasel."

He turns to the woman, who is shaking, and trying to hold her torn skirt together. Her shirt is completely torn, and Kon can't let her go to the police station like that, so he pulls off his shirt and gives it to her. She makes a face at the burnt smell but when she slides it on, it comes to mid-thigh, and she smiles at him through her tears.

"Thank you."

"Do you want me to walk you to the police station?"

She shakes her head. "Can you find my purse? I just want to call a cab."

Kon glances around, x-raying the ground until he pulls her bag out of a pile of something black and gross. She slumps. He opens it, and lets her pull out what she can. Some money, a wallet, and a mirror. Kon drops the bag back on the ground, and walks her out to the sidewalk, glancing back at the guy who is still moaning in the alley. Serves him right.

Kon whistles, loudly, and the woman jumps. "Ah, sorry," He says, but a cab comes right over. He adds, "It's one of our many talents." She laughs a little bit, and he helps her into the cab. He gives her a twenty he pulled out of his boot, because he saw how much money she had in her purse, and it was probably enough to get six blocks.

"I can't take this." She insists.

"Sure, you can." Kon folds his hand over hers. "Go home and be safe, okay."

She nods. "Thanks you so much. He would have killed me."

The cab driver looks back at them, and shrugs when he sees the shirt she's wearing. Whoever it was is probably in a pile somewhere now. He pulls away as she says her address, and Kon looks down at himself. Great, he probably looks like a hustler now. He walks back into the alley, hauls the guy up, and flies over to the police station to leave him there. He pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket and pencils RAPIST SCUM and sticks it on the guy's forehead. One of the beat cops stares at him, and he says, "I lost my shirt. I'm Superboy." He flies away in a hurry before the guy calls out the Meta Handlers.

As he passes Lex Tower, he hears an alarm go off, and he thinks, "Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit," as he flies down. He scouts around for a payphone, and doesn't see any. Out loud he says, "What happened to all the fucking payphones while I was dead? Goddammit." A homeless guy stares at him. He flies into the store with the blaring alarm, and grabs the two thieves, and smacks them together. They fall over, and the owner of the store stops hiding behind the counter to stare at him.

Kon looks around and says, "Wait, why were they robbing a knife store? Couldn't you have just stabbed them?"

The owner answers, "Never bring a knife to a gun fight," and points to where the unconscious men had dropped their guns. Kon says, "Right," and then says, "So are you cool to wait for the police? I'm kind of late for something."

The owner nods. "I should be okay." He walks over, and kicks the guns out of the way. He asks, "Are you Superboy?" Kon nods, and says, "Uh, I had to give my shirt to somebody." Then he stops, "Hey, can I borrow your phone? It's long distance, but I swear I'll only be a minute."

The man points to the phone, and Kon goes over, and then thinks, 'Wait. Shit. I can't call Tim from this guy's phone.' He tries to think of someone he can call to get the message to Tim, when he sees a wall full of shuriken. Really sharp, wicked ones, and now he has an idea of why those idiots were trying to rob the store. He looks at them, and the guy appears behind him to say, "All nice pieces, yes? Perhaps one of your Bat friends would like them."

Kon looks at him, and says, "How did you know I was meeting...oh right, you're just saying."

The man leans over Kon to point at a particularly cool looking one, and says, "For your assistance, I will give to you at cost."

"What's at cost?"

"110 dollars."

"Damn. What's not at cost?"

"210 dollars."

"For a fucking? Dammit." Kon looks at the piece again, and says, "Can you gift wrap it? Because he's going to kick my ass a lot."

The man nods. "I will gift wrap it, no problem." He smiles, and Kon thinks he probably just got hustled. The man carefully puts the metal shuriken into a box with cotton, and wraps it in brown paper from under the counter. Kon hands him most of the rest of the money he has in his boot. The man ties the box with twine, and says, "Nice doing business with you. Which one will be getting it?"

Kon taps the box, and says, "Red Robin."

The man nods. "Tell him good fortune comes with it."

"Alright. I will. Thanks. Good luck with the police." Kon leaves with the box, and finally gets to fly all the way back to Smallville. Martha stares at him as he comes in the door, no shirt, jeans black with soot, face smeared with it too. She smiles, and says, "Tim called while you were out."

Kon says, "eep." He grabs the phone and calls Tim, who picks up and says, "Hello, Conner."

"I'm not standing you up. I promise."

"I wasn't worried that you were."

"Good. Okay. I'm kind of a mess, but I'll be as fast I can." Kon hangs up the phone to take a fast shower, and change into a suit. He frowns at the tie. He hates ties, and can't make them work. He heads downstairs, and Martha says, "Don't you look nice."

Kon says, "Tim said the place has a dress code."

She asks, "Are you meeting with the Titans?"

He turns away from her to say, "No, um, just Tim. We're dating now. Or well, not just now. I don't know." He looks at her, and her eyes are wide, but she just blinks a little, and says, "I like Tim."

Kon says, "Good. I like him too. Do you think you can help with my tie?"

Martha leans up, and helps him with his tie. She says, "I'm proud of you, Conner."

"Just don't join P-FLAG okay."

"I don't know what that is."

Kon says, "Never mind. I'll be back late, okay?"

She nods. "You know if you don't have school, I'm not worried about it."

"Thanks, Grandma."

He rushes out the door, but hears her call out, "Bring Chris back with you!"

~~~~

Tim sits at the table, drinking tea. He actually made the reservation for 7:45, but just told Kon 7pm. If Kon actually showed up on time, hell would freeze over. Kon strolls in five minutes later and his tie is half untied, and his jacket is wrinkled, and he's trying to figure out how to apologize, but he stops when he sees Tim, because Tim looks hot. Crazy hot, all dressed up, and big blue eyes, and Kon just wants. He walks over and instead of apologizing, leans down and kisses Tim, who kisses back, sliding his fingers up Kon's arm. They kiss for a long moment until Kon pulls away to say, "I have something for you."

Tim looks up at him. "Is that a dick joke? Because I think we can skip that."

"Heh. No, but you keep that in mind." Kon says, and hands Tim the box. Kon hopes Tim thinks the brown paper and twine is charming and not low-rent. Tim takes the package, and Kon watches him carefully unwrap the twine, and slide off the tape.

"Did you do that when you were a kid?" Kon asks.

"Did I do what?"

"Were you careful unwrapping presents when you were a kid?"

"Yes." Tim has a small smile. "My mother would tease me."

Kon nods. "I can see it."

Tim pulls the paper off and sets it on the table on top of the string. He opens the box, and looks at the shuriken. He traces it with his finger, and then sets the box down on the table. He leans around Kon, and calls to the server, "Please bring my check now."

Kon panics. "Uh, do you not like it?"

Tim gets up, and slides his hands up Kon's chest, and says in a low voice, "I love it. We're going home."

Kon says, "Alright." His hands work their way under Tim's jacket of their own free will.

Tim continues, "Then we're going to bed. We can get pizza later if you want."

"I want." Kon says before he kisses Tim again.

Kon forgets to go back to Smallville that night. Martha yells at him the next morning but he shoves Chris in front of him, and says, "Look, your other grandson," and successfully distracts her.  
~~~~~~~~~  
That weekend Tim agrees to go to some trendy nightclub after a lot of harassment from Kon and Bart. He stands outside, and sighs. Of course they're late and he's not, so he has to stand and stare at all these vacant people. He twitches when he sees the drugs being passed around, but he lets it go while biting the inside of his mouth. Idiots. Idiots. Idiots.

He glances around and sees a woman in the near-by alleyway trying to pull away from a guy. Tim slips over in that direction to eavesdrop in case he needs to step in. He overhears the woman say, "I'm not fucking interested, you douchebag." The man leans closer, and his eyes start to glow, and he says, "Are you sure you're not interested?"

The woman moves closer, and says, "Oh. Um. Yeah. I think I am."

Tim frowns. He walks over, and pushes the woman away, because the guy's eyes are still glowing. The guy yelps, "Hey, what the fuck?" as Tim pulls a medallion out from under the guy's shirt. The guy shoves Tim, and Tim hits a wall, trips over the woman who is trying to stumble away, and puts his hands out to catch himself. The medallion is, of course, in his left hand when he does this and it snaps, slicing into his hand.

Tim feels a strange tingling sensation, and then he's harder than he's ever been in his entire life. He looks up, dazed, and sees that everyone is looking at him, and their eyes are starting to glaze over.

"Crap." Tim says. He grabs the two pieces of the medallion, and flees.

He gets back to the Tower, and looks at the Medallion in the light. There are strange symbols on it, and a couple in mid-coitus. Fucking magic. "ZACHARY!" he calls out as he gets in the elevator to go upstairs. "ZACAHARY ZATARA!" he screams again as he smacks the intercom. Zachary is waiting outside the elevator door when he lands. Tim holds the pieces of the medallion out, and says, "Please explain immediately what this does."

Zachary stares at him uneasily, and asks, "Did you cut yourself on this?" He turns it over, and stares at the back. It's identical to the front.

"Yes." Tim snaps. "Please tell me it's not some kind of mystical lust token." As his agitation rises, he shakes his head. He smacks Zachary's hand away, and says, "I...what..." and he blacks out.

He wakes up with Kon, Cassie, and Bart all standing over him. "Tim?" Kon asks, tentatively.

Tim groans. "My head," he whispers. "What happened?"

"We're not sure," Cassie answers. "Zachary said you stumbled in, yelling, and gave him some kind of broken amulet."

"Okay."

Bart adds, "He also said you now have the power was in the amulet."

"Bart!"

"Might as well tell him now when he can't stab us all."

Kon says, "He kind of has a point there."

Tim starts to say, "What power," but then he remembers the crowd of people, and the guy who had been using the amulet to hook-up and he groans again. "Fuck." He passes out again.

The next time he wakes up, he's in the Batcave, and Batman is peering down at him. Tim tries really, really hard to teleport to another country. Jason Blood comes into view, and Tim says, "I'm not some kind of lust demon now, am I?"

He hears Jason Todd start laughing in the background.

"RIGHT?" He asks again, with more force.

"No." Jason Blood says. "You are not an incubus." He waves his hand over Tim and adds, "You appear to simply have gained the ability to alter emotions into lust."

Tim tries to pass out again, but that doesn't work either. Batman says, "I am sure this could be useful," but he doesn't look happy. Jason Todd leans over to look down at Tim, and he says, "Little brother, you have all the luck."

Tim stares at him, horrified. Dick pushes Jason out of the way, and says, "It'll be okay, Tim. We deal with it." He strokes Tim's forehead, and Tim relaxes a little bit.

Jason says, "Yeah, I mean Dick has been able to change other emotions into lust his whole life, and it's worked out okay for him."

Dick and Tim just look at Jason, who adds, "Oh, hey, and Jason Blood loves Damien. A lot."

"I told you he was a demon."

"I didn't say I disbelieved you."

"No, but Dick said..."

Jason interrupts Tim. "Dick is an idiot." He ignores the look Dick gives him to call out, "HEY DEMON COME HERE!"

Damien walks over to Jason, and kicks him in the shin. "Someone needs to put you back in your grave."

Jason smiles, meanly. "Dream big, little bitch, it ain't going to be you," before smacking him on the shoulder.

Tim grins and says, "Demon."

Batman says, "All of you stop it now." Jason Blood just looks fascinated.

Tim refuses to do any kind of test on his powers, until Batman orders him. Tim looks inside his head, and sees a tiny spark of light, and pushes it at Bruce, who blinks, and backs-off.

"Interesting."

"We could call Selina over." Jason suggests.

"I'm sensing a lot of awesome pranks in the future." Bart says from somewhere to the left of Tim's head.

Kon says, "Like what?"

"We could lock your parents in a room together and have them work out their differences," Bart suggests.

"WHAT?" Kon yells. "AHHH. Why would you even say anything like that?"

"Because I knew you would scream," Bart answers cheerfully. "Is Tim better now?" he continues. "Or are you going to pretend you don't know yet and do a lot of creepy invasive tests?"

Tim starts attempting to sneak out of the Cave, while in plain sight of everyone, and wearing only a sheet and boxers. 'This is really what Robin training is for,' he thinks, and then he runs over to one of the bikes as Batman follows him. He turns around to see Kon standing in his path, and he hisses, "Traitor!" Kon rolls his eyes, and picks Tim up carefully.

"We're taking him back to the Tower. Or maybe to his house." Kon says to Batman. "Or maybe to my house. Or the Moon. Work it out." Kon flees the cave, and takes him to their old Young Justice headqquarters. Tim says, "That was sweet Kon, but he has tracking devices on me."

"In your underwear? Aren't you a little old for discussions about bad touching?"

"Under my skin."

"Oh." Kon looks him over, and says, "Oh, yeah, I see it." Then he says, "So, we're all alone, and you're in your underwear."

Tim rolls his eyes, but lets Kon kiss him anyway. He tells the tiny spark in his head no very firmly. Bruce finds them an hour later, eating a picnic lunch off the floor. Bart is dragging Chris and Cassie around to show them where he hid stuff while stopping by to steal food every two minutes.

"Tim."

"No."

"We need to test..."

Tim interrupts him to add, "I can test it without your assistance."

Kon leans over and says, "I think you hurt his feelings again. He's kind of making a facial expression."

Tim looks at Kon, and then up at Bruce. He gets up, and walks over and puts his arms around Bruce's neck, and hugs him. Bruce is stiff for a minute, but he puts his arms around Tim, and stands there with him for a long minute.

Bart says, "Awwww. That's so cute."

Chris asks, "Batman hugs people?"

"Tim is his son. He can hug his son." Cassie says.

"Batman HAS SEX?" Chris yells.

They all turn to stare at him, and he says, "That's so so gross. So gross." He shudders.

Kon laughs and laughs. "Best little brother ever."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tim does a series of minute experiments with the spark in his head. Mostly on Kon, who is completely fine with it, and even had Bart make up a consent form for alien subjects testing that he signed and gave to Tim. It got a smile.

Kon says, "So is this the limit or what? It's cool and all, but it seems kind of lame." Tim pushes it harder, and Kon swallows, and his pupils dilate. He says, "How much power do you have there exactly?"

"I'm not sure."

"Give me some more."

"That's not a very good idea, Kon. If you lose control of yourself, I'm not going to be able to stop you."

They look at each other, and Kon says, "I can work with that. I'll be right back."

Kon goes to visit his Dad, and makes a very specific request for restraints that have Kryptonite in them. Lex asks, "Have you finally decided to bring me Kal-el?"

"Nah, it's for a freaky sex experiment." Kon stops, and continues, "Uh, you don't want Clark chained up for like, uh, any, uh, you know, reasons."

"Are you implying I wish to pursue sexual relations with Superman?"

"I am not implying, I am asking that you say no right away, and spare me years of life trauma."

Lex thinks about it as he goes to get the restraints. He brings a lead box back and hands it to Kon. He says, "I don't believe that Clark would be worth the effort. He's too vanilla."

Kon nods. "That's fantastic."

"On the other hand, he is married to that harpy, so perhaps he likes to be dominated." Lex considers this line of thought, while Kon escapes. Lex leans over and calls Clark's apartment. Clark answers the phone, because really, what reporter job? The middle of the day is for napping.

"Hello."

"I have an inquiry about your sex life."

There is a long pause, and Clark tentatively asks, "Luthor?"

"Our son made a suggestion that perhaps I was fighting with you mainly to gain your attention in other facets. While this is not the case, it would be an interesting exercise."

"Our...son?"

"Conner."

"I don't know anyone named Conner. Luthor, have you lost your mind?"

"Clark, I am well aware of who you are. Please keep up. My question is in regards to bedroom activities, is your wife normally on top? Does she insult you? Anything of that nature?"

"I'm hanging up now."

"Have you ever given anyone a blowjob?"

Clark accidentally crushes the phone. He flies over to Lex's penthouse, and knocks on the french doors. Lex opens them up, and delightedly says, "I did not realize you were going to answer my questions in person."

Clark opens his mouth, and then shuts it again. Lex taps his fingers on his desk, it's a huge, very old, very lovely wooden desk with many, many drawers. Clark X-rays it, but he doesn't see any black spaces that would indicate lead boxes. He takes a careful step forward, and asks, "Did Kon tell you his other name?"

"Of course not."

"Then how do you know it?"

"Brainiac is a collector of information, and he shared some of it with me."

"Brainiac knows my real name!" Clark shouts in horror.

"No, I destroyed him after I found out what I needed." Lex replies. "Honestly, I'm not that sloppy."

"You destroyed Brainiac?"

"Yes. You haven't answered my questions. What about rough sex? Anything interesting?"

"If I have rough sex with someone, I'll kill them," Clark says, absently. "You haven't told anyone?"

"Your identity? Why would I? I admit it was rather funny to find out about Bruce Wayne, but you're not really that fascinating as a human."

"Bruce Wayne?"

"Would you like me to start going through the list? Kon is dating Tim Drake, who was the third Robin, and he runs around with Kid Flash, who is Bart Allen. Tim is living with..."

Clark cuts him off to demand, "Kon is dating who now?"

"Timothy Drake. Do you not approve? He has a very enjoyable mind. One day I hope to corrupt it."

"Are you sure?"

"How much attention do you pay to what Kon is or is not doing at any given time?" Lex asks in return, "I am guessing not a large amount or you would know that the other Nightwing running around is living with Timothy, and calling himself Chris Kent. As Kon has claimed him as a brother, I would think that was somewhat important to you."

"Chris is living with Tim?"

"Yes. I had hoped you used your abilities for something other than spying on me, but I suppose that wish is pointless. Chris frequently visits your mother, I am quite surprised she's never mentioned it to you."

"How do you know this?"

"Kon tells me."

"I'm going to go talk to him."

Lex frowns. "This would not be the ideal time to have a conversation with Kon in any regard."

"Why, what did you do?"

"I am fairly certain it is Tim who is doing things to his person."

Clark is speechless, and Lex shrugs elegantly. "Kon came to borrow some restraints. It's a logical conclusion." He looks at Clark consideringly. "I have more in the back."

Clark runs away in fear. He'll yell at Kon later. Much much later.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Kon shows back up at the Tower with the box, and he tosses it on the bed. Tim looks at him questioningly. He opens the box as Kon backs away, and he says, "Oh, I see."

Kon says, "How 'bout it?"

Tim strokes his hand over the box, and then crooks his finger. Kon grins eagerly, and pulls off his shirt, and pants. Tim points and says, "Socks."

Kon throws his socks off, and his underwear, and Tim is watching him with intent eyes. Kon walks over, half-hard, and he tugs on Tim's shirt. Tim lets him pull it up and off, and smiles when Kon kneels in front of him. Kon unzips Tim's pants, and pulls them down as much as he can. He stops when he sees Tim's underwear, black briefs with the S-shield on them in red. He starts laughing, and moves away to get Tim's pants off. He tosses them aside, and moves up to kiss Tim's mouth. Tim moves back on the bed, and Kon settles between his legs, right where he belongs.

Kon bites at Tim's mouth, and then at his jawline, and kisses his neck. He moves down his chest, and his stomach, as Tim reaches for him. Kon shakes his head, and kisses the tattoo on Tim's hip, before tracing it with his tongue. He's looking up at Tim, who is flushed, and panting. He pulls the underwear down, and moves over, before leaning in to lick Tim's erection. Tim bites his lip not to moan, but Kon can hear it anyway.

He breathes and Tim twitches. "What me to suck your dick?" Kon asks. "Or you want me to fuck you?" He slides his hand up Tim's hip, and moves back up his body. He whispers, "What do you want baby? I'll give it to you," in Tim's ear, and Tim says, "Fuck me." He reaches over and flips open the box. Kon flinches, but he gets up and sits on the bed. Tim stands up, and kicks his underwear off, and shoves Kon down. They move until Kon has his arms above his head, and Tim snaps one of the restraints on, and wraps the material around the slats in the headboard twice before snapping the other one in place.

"Okay?" He asks, and Kon nods. He can take a little pain with his pleasure. Tim leans over, and pulls lube out the drawer next to the bed. He smiles at Kon, and squeezes some out on his hand, before reaching down to stroke it on Kon's dick. Kon groans, oh yeah, a little pleasure with his pain is just fine. Tim lets go, and he smiles when Kon's hips try to follow. He says, "Hold on to the restraints, Kon."

Kon moves up, and wraps his fingers around the Kryptonite, it hurts a lot more, but Tim is reaching behind himself, and his eyes flutter shut when he fingers himself open. Kon is sweating, and tugging on the material a little bit. He really fucking wants to break them, but he's not sure if he can, and that's even more of a turn on. Tim opens his eyes, and they're all pupil, with a ring of blue around the edges, and he says, "Kon," and nudges at the spark in his head, and Kon goes somewhere else. He knows he's inside Tim for most of it, but it's like crawling inside sex. It feels so good, he has a brief thought he might die from it, but that's fine, that's completely fine.

When Kon wakes up, Tim is looking down at him, with a worried look. "Are you okay?" Kon blinks, and uses his TK to snap the stupid fucking restraints, and rolls Tim over, and shoves his legs apart. Tim is still slick and Kon pushes right into him, hard, and he's a little rough, but Tim is taking it, and clawing at his arms, and his back, crying out really loudly. Kon says, "I love you, I love you so much, god, I never ever want to stop with you." Tim throws back his head, and Kon buries his face in Tim's neck and says, "I'm going to fucking marry you." Tim comes without Kon even touching him.

Afterwards, Tim is lazing on him, asking him what he felt, and Kon says, "I felt like God gave my brain an orgasm. So, about this marriage thing, how soon can we do it?"

Tim pulls off him, and says, "What?"

"What?" Kon echoes. "Oh come on, you just came the second I said it. You've probably been planning it since you met me."

Tim gives him a look. He says, "I am not a 14 year old girl, Conner."

Kon grins. "Yeah, alright. You can't wear white anyway, I took care of that." He is completely smug and unrepentant about this fact.

Tim rolls off the bed, and puts his underwear back on. "I'm going to go shower."

"Fine. I'm serious you know."

"Whatever." Tim shuts the bathroom door firmly behind him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the seventh time Kon asks Tim to marry him, Tim is a little pissed off. He shoves Kon away from him, and says, "Shut the fuck up."

Kon says, "Look this isn't about your awesome, awesome sex power, Tim. I want to marry you anyway. The awesome sex power is just the best bonus ever."

Tim rolls his eyes.

"I love your mind."

Tim eyes him, and Kon adds, "I love your body too." Tim gets up, and Kon says, "Oh come on, I love all of you. Get the hell back here and say yes."

He follows Tim to the counter to pay for their food, and out the door, saying, "I.am.serious."

Tim ignores him, and Kon continues, "Look, how many times do I have to ask this to make you believe it? Tell me what to say. I asked you on the subway, I asked you in the Tower, twice, I asked you that time we saved those people from the bank robbery, and they all agreed your reply was very hurtful. I asked you at the fucking Manor! Batman could have heard me and killed me! That alone should prove my devotion!"

Tim continues to ignore him as they walk down the street, and Kon goes, "Okay, you know what," and he grabs Tim, not really paying attention to where they are, which is in front of a huge church. He gets down on one knee, and Tim goes, "Oh my god, no," and twenty-five altar boys come out of the door, and start walking down the stairs as Kon says, "Timothy Jackson Drake, Will you marry me?" and holds up a fucking ring. Tim stares at the ring, then at the altar boys, who all stare back, and then sees the priest making a face and clutching his rosary. Tim narrows his eyes, and the priest says something about Satan, and Tim snaps, "Yes, I will absolutely marry you in this church. Right here."

The priest's head snaps up, and he says, "You most certainly will not bring your filth into this church."

"My father is Bruce Wayne." Tim says. Kon is looking up at him, a little confused. "Is this a yes to me, or a fuck you to homophobes?"

The priest says, "He's a heathen, too."

Tim laughs, and says, "The Waynes built this church. It's my legacy."

The priest is staring at him, and Kon says, "Tim, you're fucking Jewish for one thing," and Tim goes, "Even better!"

Kon gets up and says, "Okay, cross dressers go back into the church right now, and kids, don't let that guy look up your skirts."

They all turn around, and one of them whispers, "I told you I could marry a boy," to his companion. The kid rolls his eyes.

Tim says, "Did you see their faces?"

"Do you see mine?" Kon asks. It's not a happy one.

Tim looks at him, and says, "You bought a ring?"

"Yes. I bought a ring, because I'm serious." Kon takes Tim's hand, and pulls him close, and says, "Marry me."

Tim pulls away to look at his face carefully, and he smiles. "Yes."

Kon yells, "YES!" and picks him up. The priest yells, "godless heathens!" Kon kisses Tim hard, and flips him off. After they stop, Tim says, "I should go in there and tell that guy there is no god."

Kon frowns. "There's tons of gods."

"But not his."

"What about the Source?"

"What about it?" Tim replies. He's looking at the ring on his finger carefully. It's actually very pretty.

"Isn't that kind of like their god?"

"No."

"Fine. What about heaven?"

"It's another dimension. Anyway, do you remember being in heaven?" Tim asks.

"No."

"Well."

"Okay, whatever." Kon huffs.

Tim says, "This ring is really classy. Who picked it out?"

"No one in my family. I knew where that would lead."

Tim laughs, and Kon kisses him, and brushes his thumb over the ring on Tim's finger. "Are you going to add my last name to your plethora of last names?"

"Plethora?" Tim repeats in a surprised tone.

"Bart has been harassing me about the SAT again. Are you?"

"Kent or El?"

"Timothy Jackson Drake Wayne Kent El." Kon says out loud to see what it sounds like. Tim shakes his head.

"I don't think I'd make a good Kent."

"Too salt of the earth?"

"I'm afraid of cows."

Kon starts to laugh, and then says, "Wait, really?" Tim looks at him. "Huh."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another side effect of Tim's sex power is he is now mostly immune to sexual related attacks. He discovers this by accident when Poison Ivy dumps a boat load of her stupid powder crap on him and Dick. Tim blinks, and looks down at the pollen covering his hand, shrugs, picks up a chair, and smacks her with it. She falls over, and hits the wall, blacking out.

Tim grins and then remembers Dick is also in the room. Luckily, Jason comes in right after them, and Dick jumps him instead, smearing glittery pollen all over his face as he kisses him. Tim stares, and thinks, 'I should...do something here.' He keeps thinking it, and moves a little closer, trying to find the best angle to watch them go at it.

He's had dreams like this, dreams that were covered with a golden haze of wonderment and joy. He drifts a little closer and thinks, 'I'm sure I am hallucinating this, so it's completely fine that I'm not stopping them.' He nods. Also, Kon's voice is in his head, helpfully reasoning that Dick really needs to get laid, and this is special porn just for Tim, really. Tim has been a very good boy, and this is just the universe repaying him in lovely Dick related Karma.

The tiny Tim voice underneath that says, 'blackmail' very very quietly. Tim's Kon voice cheers when Jason starts pulling Dick's uniform top off. Dick has his legs around Jason's waist, and Jason is just getting to Dick's pants when Batman comes in, and pulls him off. Tim frowns. Probably not a hallucination then, dammit. Kon's voice says, 'Maybe you should just knock Batman out for the good of the world.' Tim considers that the pollen maybe had some kind of effect on him.

Jason is flailing, and swearing. He kicks Bruce, and yells, "Stop cock-blocking me! Since I'm 13! How can I think pure thoughts with that shit in front of me!" Tim looks down at Dick, who is kneeling on the ground, trying to get into Jason's pants. Batman says, "Help me," to Tim, and Tim says, "What? Should I take Jason's pants off for Dick?"

Cass comes in with the antidote and Batman gets them both inoculated. He glares at Tim, who says, "What was I supposed to do? Hit them with the chair?" Batman says, "Robin," and Damien walks in and asks, "What?" Bruce shuts his mouth, and then says, "Help Tim."

Tim shakes his head, and backs away. "You stay over there, Demon."

"Dad! Make them stop calling me that!"

Bruce snaps, "Cass!" Batgirl walks over to Tim, and says, "You are drugged." Tim nods, and falls over. He says, "I think my judgment is slightly impaired," and he closes his eyes.

He wakes up ten minutes later, and Jason is sitting on the ground next to him. He looks at Tim and says, "Did I almost nail Dick?"

"Yes." Tim says, and thinks about it. "Yes," he says again.

"Why the hell did you stop me?"

Tim points at Bruce.

"Figures." Jason says, and then leans over to Tim, "You weren't going to stop us, were you? You've probably thought about that since you were eight."

Tim shrugs. He can't really deny it.

Jason beams at him. "There's hope for you yet, little brother."

Tim says, "I was drugged. I would stopped you in my right mind."

"Uh huh."

"My drugged voice mostly sounded like Superboy, is that worrisome?"

Jason says, "What would Superboy do?" and starts laughing.

Damien slips into a pile of the pollen, and Cass rolls her eyes. She grabs a hose, sprays him off, and leaves him laying on the floor, slightly dazed. Tim suggests drugging him full time, and Jason agrees, but Batman ignores them. Dick laughs, and Jason pulls some Valium out of his pocket and offers it to them.

"We could put it in his juice. Maybe get him a sippy cup."

The very next day there is a sippy cup with a bat on it sitting on Damien's bed side table with a note that says, 'Drink Me for Fun Times.'

Damien throws it at Jason's head.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later in the cave, Batman says, "Instead of feeling lust, it appears your judgment was affected."

Tim says, "Yes."

"That's something to keep in mind for later."

"Of course." Tim says, and pulls his cape around him. He can hear Jason behind him saying, "You know you want to be my bitch."

Dick says, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"You couldn't spread your legs fast enough."

"Because I was drugged with sex pollen!" Dick yells. "Not because I dream about your cock. What the hell."

Tim stares at Batman, straight faced. He doesn't even twitch.

Jason says, "Oh, you're going to dream about it." Tim looks down at the floor.

Dick goes, "Oh you know what," and there's a noise, and Jason yelps a little. Then leans over, and says, "Don't start something you won't finish," and Dick answers, "I'll finish it."

Tim slowly starts turning around, but Batman says, "Both of you stop it."

Cass looks up and says, "You know, you really are a cock-blocker," and the guys all fall over laughing.

After everyone recovers, and Batman ignores them to go check out the Batmobile a lot, Jason looks over at Dick, and says, "So?"

"Aren't you straight?"

"A long time ago, I found out I liked sticking my dick in things, and that kind of set the path for the rest of my life."

Dick says, "Wow, that's really vile."

Damien comes over, and says, "Ass is the new vagina," and they all stare at him, horrified.

Dick says, "Oh my god, what the hell is wrong with you?"

```````````````````````````````````````  
Dick and Jason have sex anyway, because Dick is kind of easy to talk into stupid things and Jason has no morals what-so-ever. They continue to have sex because Dick liked it the first time, and he likes doing fun things with his brother. Jason finds it really, really funny when Dick tells people that Jason is his little brother, and then makes out with him in public places. He finds it a little less funny when some guy touches Dick's arm in a bar the second Jason steps away to get drinks for them both.

Jason puts the beers down, and says, "Hey, buddy, don't do that."

The guy looks at Jason, and stands up. He's 6'6 and a pretty huge guy. He stands in front of Jason, and says, "Oh, is he with you?"

Dick says, "Jason," in a warning tone, but Jason doesn't really like assholes, or people that touch his property, so he tosses the fucker over the bar. He laughs when the guy gets up, dazed, and comes after him. Jason pulls out his kris blade, and says, "Come and get it, motherfucker."

"JASON PETER TODD!" Dick yells. The whole bar goes quiet. "Go and get our coats, and I'll deal with the bartender." Jason stares at him, and Dick adds, "Now, you little fucker."

Jason grins, and says, "Alright, baby, whatever you want."

The guy tries to go after Jason, but Dick grabs him, knees him in the balls, and drops him with an elbow. "Don't even think about touching him." He leans over the bar, and hands the bartender a wad of cash, and smiles sweetly, saying, "Sorry about the mess. My little brother has a temper." The guy takes the money, and says, "Sure, okay."

Jason comes back, and Dick kisses him hard. The bartender says, "What the fuck? Jesus, I hate Gotham." Dick ignores him, and lets Jason pull him out of the bar.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's much funnier when Dick explains to Roy who he is now sleeping with. Much much funnier. Roy stares at him waiting for the punchline, and Dick adds, "Oh, and thanks for ruining Damien's mind even more than it already was, you prick."

"I don't know where to start with this. He's not a redhead, he's a guy, he's your little brother, kind of, and OH RIGHT HE TRIED TO KILL YOU AND HALF THE PLANET."

"He's a lot calmer now, wait, the redhead part is first? Why is that? Roy, is there something you want to tell me?" Dick smiles.

Roy glares. "No, there is nothing I want to tell you, short pants." He rubs his forehead, and adds, "You're insane."

Dick says, "Not really, he fucks like a stallion, he's got a nine inch dick, he listens to me now, and he's much less stabby when he's getting laid. It's all working out fine."

"That motherfucker has a nine inch dick?"

"I really like how this conversation is going." Dick says cheerfully. He's learning a lot.

"There's no justice in the world."

"You already knew that, Roy. That's why we try to inject some into it."

"Do you give blowjobs now?"

"Jason said if I give you any kind of sex at all, he'll rip your throat out." Dick mimes stabbing motions with a little twist at the end. Roy grins, then says, "Considering how you run your mouth, it might be worth it."

Dick says, "You'll never find out," as Wally comes over, and asks, "What's going on?"

"Roy is sexually harassing me."

"Roy sexually harasses everyone." Wally sits down. "Where have you been, Dick? I've called you a bunch of times. Why is Roy grinning like that?"

Dick says, "I'm seeing someone."

"Okay."

"So, I'm a little busy."

Roy says, "So, wait, you're the bottom right? Because I can't see Jason being anything but the world's most obnoxious top."

Dick looks at him, and Wally says, "Uh, what?"

"He's sleeping with Jason."

"Jason?"

"Jason Todd."

"WHAT? YOU'RE DOING WHAT?" Wally screams.

Dick says, "I let Tim videotape us too, if you want proof." Dick adds to Roy, "Tim was really serious about the cameras too, I'll have to tell you about it later."

Roy is laughing so hard, he's on the floor. Wally says, "Are you sick? Did he drug you? He didn't force you..." Dick looks at him, and says, "I wish you would have cared this much when I was actually raped." He gets up, and walks away, and Roy looks up at Wally and says, "What?"

Wally shakes his head, too fast for Roy to see, it's mostly a blur, and then he appears in front of Dick. He touches Dick's arm, and asks, "Dick?"

"I shouldn't have said, just forget about it." Dick says, as the elevator opens. Tim comes out, and Dick smiles at him. "Hey, little brother." He holds out his hand, and Tim comes over, frowning. "What's wrong?"

Wally says, "You're not sleeping with him, too, are you?" and Roy barely manages to grab Dick before he punches Wally in the face. Roy holds him, and says, "Be calm, Wing."

Dick snarls, "No."

"It's not an unreasonable question."

"He's a kid. It is not a reasonable question.

"Since you've lost your damn mind, it's reasonable."

Bart skids to a stop, and grabs Wally, and says, "Over there," and they vanish. Wally comes back a minute later, and says, "Oh, I...I'm sorry."

Tim glares at Bart, who shrugs. "He was going to notice anyway."

"It's Wally, I wouldn't count on it." Tim retorts. Bart shrugs, and says, "He traded part his of sanity so Jason could have it, I think that's something his best friend should know."

Roy says, "Holy shit, Dick."

"He's getting better."

"I believe you." Roy rests his head against the back of Dick's, "I believe you."

Wally says, "I would have..." and Dick shakes his head. "I know, but it had to be someone who loves him."

"I thought it was just being Batman was fucking with your head."

"That's what I wanted you to think, and it wasn't exactly helping."

"Does Jason know?"

"He knows. He tried to stop me, but I wouldn't let him." Dick answers. "I knocked him out, and stuck both of our hands on the statue. It worked."

"Does Batman know?"

Dick looks at Tim, who says, "We're not sure, we haven't told him, and he's never said anything."

"He probably won't." Dick adds.

They all turn as the elevator door opens again, and Jason steps out. He says, "What?" and then adds, "Roy, don't make me fucking kill you."

Roy grins, and tightens his hold on Dick, before retorting, "But he's just so damn hot, Jay."

Dick holds his hand out to Jason, who walks over, and threads their fingers together. Jason looks at them, they are all staring at him. He asks, "You told them?"

"Bart told them." Dick replies.

"How the hell does Bart know?" Jason asks, "Damn, little brother, do you keep your mouth shut about anything?"

"I don't lie to Bart or Kon."

Bart says, "Oh, Timmy," and jumps on him. They fall over, and Wally grabs Bart, and drags him around the room a few times. When they move into speed, and everyone else is a statue around them, Wally says, "You know I love you right?" and Bart says, "I'm not dying again."

"Bart, I'm serious."

Bart nods. "I know you do, Wally. It took you for-fucking-ever to show it."

"I'm sorry about that."

Bart smiles, and gives him a hug. "Hey, if I decide to become gay, are you going to be mad?"

"Are you sleeping with someone?"

"No, but the Blue Beetle is kind of hot."

"What? The Blue Beetle is old, Bart, what the hell? Plus, Booster Gold will time travel and kill you. I don't want to have to get on the trendmill a million times to stop the time traveling adventures of Shiny Ass saving his man from your evil clutches."

"Not that one." Bart answers. "The younger one. What the hell."

"Oh. Well. Good Luck, I guess."

"It will probably never happen. Being a virgin again sucks." Bart mopes for a long moment. Sex was awesome, and the memory of it feels like it happened to someone else. In a way it kind of did.

"Again?" Wally repeats faintly.

"Shut up, Wally."

"But."

"Shut up."

At normal speed, Jason says, "Did you ever try Ritalin on them? Did we ever try Ritalin on you?" Dick says, "You better not and when you take the prescriptions off the drug dealers you need to throw them out, not add them to your stash."

"Where's the fun in that?"

Roy says, "You know I'm an NA sponsor right?" and Jason says, "Quitting is for pussies."

"Speaking of pussy," Roy starts, and Tim says, "NO," as loud as possible.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When they get back to the Manor on Monday, Demon is wearing a 'Pimpin Ain't Easy' shirt, and Dick has something of a nuclear melt-down in the kitchen, which begins with 'pimping is not a job worthy of respect', and ends with, 'I will let Jason shoot you again if I ever catch you repeating anything Roy said at any point in time, but especially when we were drunk.' Jason follows him out of the room, because he's really turned on, and also, Dick just said he could shoot somebody, and it's Demon, so Jason is really, really turned on. Dick is a little busy taking all of Damien's rap CDs and trying to set them on fire in one of the fireplaces, to help him out, but Jason can be patient.

The fight continues down in the Batcave when Dick tells Damien he is banned from the internet for a long, long time. Bruce steadily watches the monitors, and stays the hell out of it. Tim and Jason eat popcorn. Alfred frowns at them, and points at the kernels they drop. Damien turns to Batman, and pleadingly says, "Dad?"

Dick says, "OH NO! I dealt with you, and your skank whore mom [Tim asks in disbelief, did Dick just say skank whore?] for a year! By myself! With fucking Stephanie! You wanted in this family, so guess what, that means three big brothers, and a sister, and an all-knowing awesome man servant, and a giant fucking cave! Either you deal with it, or you go live with your grandfather, and maybe, just maybe, he won't steal and eat your soul!"

Damien runs over to Bruce's side, and begs, "Unadopt them. Please."

Jason calls out, "No such luck Demon. You're stuck with us all."

Bruce gets out of the chair, and says, "Damien, Dick is right, your behavior is intolerable." Then he escapes in the Batmobile.

Tim says, "Is it just me or has Bruce been a giant wuss since he came back?"

"I think he's just afraid of Dick now." Jason answers.

Tim nods. That seems likely. Alfred stands next to him, and says, "Master Tim," in a pointed tone, and Tim stops getting crumbs all over the computer in a hurry.

Damien seeking an out, says, "At least Alfred loves me."

Dick leans down and says, "Number one, Alfred loves me more, so don't even try it, and two, I love you, which is why you're going to grow up and be a good man, and not a creep."

"Okay." Damien says. Dick gives him a hug, and adds, "I am serious about the internet."

"Fine." Damien starts to slink off, but he stops and asks, "What is a skank whore?"

Jason calls out, "Your mother," and Tim falls over.

Damien says, "My mother was nice to you."

Jason says, "Yeah, I know, but she drugged your dad so he'd sleep with her so I think that's the least of the names I can call her."

Damien looks up at Dick, who says, "Don't worry about it, Bruce is fine now. It has nothing to do with you." He walks over and hits Jason who makes wounded faces at him. Dick hisses, "Don't fucking say that kind of thing to him."

"He'll get over it."

End Part One. Part Two will feature Bart's attempts to seduce Jaime into the Way of the Speedster. Some Boostle, Guy Gardner, and other assorted bullshit where I attempt not to make everyone in canon gay and fail. And possibly Tim and Kon discussing wedding invitations with Lex. Also, Batman losing his fucking mind, and sending Damien to high school. Which I am sure will happen in canon to general fail and hilarity.

Preview:

Tim gives him a plastic knife for his boot, and straps on a leather arm guard that holds five plastic throwing knives. He says, "Look, just be safe, okay."

Kon adds, "And don't talk to the drug dealers."

Tim nods. "I know it seems contrary to the mission, but you have to leave them alone when you're not in costume. They lurk in the bathrooms a lot."

Bart hands him what looks like a wallet, and he says, "I folded part of your costume in there, it's lead shielded so the X-rays machines can't see it if you have to go through one."

Damien takes it hesitantly. He asks, "Is high school really this horrible?"

They all stare down at him. Finally Kon says, "Good Luck, kid."

As Damien walks out the door, he hears Bart say, in a comforting tone, "Maybe he'll get expelled really fast, and you won't have to worry about it."

.....

Damien is staring at a kid like he's an insect, but it doesn't seem to phase him. The boy asks, "So where are you from?"

"Nepal." Damien answers. He's unsure why this kid is talking to him. Dick told him to be nice to people, but Tim had said that it was better not to talk to people and keep his head down. Damien doesn't really like Tim, but he's smart enough to know that Tim is the one to listen to out of all of his brothers. He fully understands the meaning of, 'Well, at least Dick is really pretty.' Not that any of his family isn't attractive. Damien plans to utilize this fact to his advantage when luring girls to his house.

"Nepal?" The kid repeats. "Where's that?"

"Nebraska."

"Oh, like a city?"

"Yes, Nepal is a city in Nebraska." Damien answers, and he thinks longingly of the knife in his boot. He feels a faint sympathy for Tim, who probably felt like an alien around these people. Then he remembers Tim is voluntarily marrying Kon-el, and the sympathy fades out. On the other hand, Kon is a literal alien, so it's slightly fitting for Tim to be mating with his own kind. Damien decides to pretend the other, dimmer children are just badly programmed robots and feels a lot more cheerful. It's not their fault their programmer was drunk and incompetent.


End file.
